With a very strong patriarchal culture in Papua New Guinea PNG there are very defined roles for men and women, but peeling back some of the layers and speaking to my PNG poros friends , I hoped to find out that there was more to this dynamic than men just making demands on their women. Young love No matter who you speak to about this, it all comes down to confidence. In the first of what seems like an ongoing series of negotiations during the life span of the relationship, the messenger may not tell the young lady straight away, keeping them guessing and leaving them in suspense for a few days.
But young love in the village is taboo. The instant perception of a young man and women being seen together is that they are having sex. If two young people are found to be in a relationship the consequences are extreme. For the girl things are much more bleak, she will be seen as bringing shame on her family. The perception is that on the first date you are married to the woman! Women might bring food great distances for their man every day.
It can also bring shame if it is found that the girl then marries someone else. In the early days young people might hang out at the beach or somewhere quiet close to where the girl lives, but always somewhere as private as possible. During this time it is common to go through negotiations with your potential life partner, what the man expects their sweetheart to wear and what she can do β from chewing betel nut, to drinking or smoking, to what friends they are comfortable with them socialising with.
There is a lot of expectation about how a woman should behave and particularly how they are perceived so as not to cause disrespect to their man. The relationship is very serious from a very early stage. Being in an official relationship is big news and after people initially finding out, news spreads fast. It can take two to three years to tell brothers and cousins and around four years for parents.
He was working in town and dating a girl who was a friend of the family who lived in the village. Every Wednesday the young lady would travel to town and take all of his dirty clothes to wash. While we were sat with the family my Aunt saw his trousers and shirt on the washing line.
