Dating in Los Angeles can be messy. We switch from one job to the next. Whether you have an anxious or avoidant attachment style, you can become a secure dater. Oftentimes when people go on a first date, they try to gauge what type of connection they feel with the other person. Are you into them? Chemistry builds over time, says Brinkley, who often posts dating advice on TikTok. Thinking about giving speed dating a try? Elizabeth Overstreet , a North Carolina-based relationship strategist who works with global clients, likens chemistry in romantic relationships to that of friendships.
That spike leads to an increased heart rate and alertness. For some people, that spark can actually be an indication of a trauma bond , a close relationship that forms when one person abuses another, who then becomes attached. You can also feel strong chemistry with someone after an exhilarating date, such as riding a roller coaster, watching a scary movie or taking a trapeze class, Chan says. Another component that Overstreet says people should pay attention to during those first couple of dates is their compatibility with someone.
And just as chemistry can grow over time, it can also dwindle throughout the course of a connection β which is why some long-term couples wish they could reignite their flame. So maybe that sexual attraction or that spark or chemistry has waned, and there are still so many other pieces of this person that I love and appreciate.
Changing the setting on a second date β for example doing an activity like bowling together instead of a sit-down dinner β may also give you a different perspective on that person. Tired of the standard dinner-and-drinks first date? Try one of these refreshing ideas that are bound to make a lasting impression. Also, first dates can be awkward. So Chan tells her clients to mentally rate their date on a scale of with 10 being the highest and zero being an absolute no.
Maybe you were nervous. You only have a very small data set on that first date. You may occasionally receive promotional content from the Los Angeles Times. Kailyn Brown is a lifestyle reporter for the Los Angeles Times.
