Kayla Koch β Graphic Designer. By Copy Chief February 11, The first time I ever had sugar cubes was at a bris. I was 7 years old at the time and was too busy shoving sugar cubes into my pockets to notice some baby was getting his foreskin hacked offβ not that I even knew what a foreskin was at the timeβbut in retrospect, that day was indicative of the times to come.
My penchant for sugar has not dissipated since that fateful day. However, last summer, I found a new form of sucrose that transcended my relent- less desire for Haribo Gummy Bears. I discovered sugar daddies. No, not the delicious milk caramel pops. The easiest way for a sugar daddy to find his sugar baby is online. I was exceptionally broke at the time and did not possess much of a strong moral compass, so I signed up.
What kind of relationship or arrangement did I wantβone that does or does not involve feelings? Needless to say, my expectations were marked as high. If I was going to do this, it had to be done right and involve lots of cash.
After sifting through thinly veiled sex propositionsβwhich usually involved four or five winkie faces and the mention of my legsβfrom gentlemen who could have easily been friends with my grandfather, I received a late-night correspondence from a fancy banker-man. He was interested in discussing an arrangement over breakfast.
I almost pooped myself. Even though I was broke and intrigued by the sugar bowl as a whole, I had never taken it seriously enough to consider meeting any of these saccharine father figures. I hesitated, contemplating all the life lessons and adorable platitudes my mother had instilled in me as an empowered young woman: Never mix bleach and ammonia; condoms are like balloons, but for your body; drink one glass of water for every red Solo cup of beer; and something about respecting yourself above all else.
