So begins an eight-line poem by Emily Dickinson. Written in and published posthumously in , the work spent decades in a drawer, along with other writings. Previous generations memorized the poem in school. Reclusive herself, Dickinson seems to be sharing a secret with an equally solitary, anonymous reader: She tells them she is different from other people. She is content to live quietly, in company with her thoughts β and with a small set of like-minded others.
She has no wish for fame. We remember the poet today as an advocate of the quiet life, centered on the simple pleasures of house and garden, intellectual curiosity, attunement to nature, and the rituals of ordinariness. To her, being pensive, even melancholy, was no sin. Every reader takes from a writer the lessons they want to learn. We moderns think of Dickinson as a person of quiet resolve who knew who she was and what she wanted to do.
Against the clamor of the crowd, she accepted the fact of her differentness. When most women of her time were drawn into obligations of marriage and motherhood, she pursued self-reliance. So inspired, we tell ourselves: Live your own way.
Follow your passions, even if their products must be stored in a drawer. Psychological advice regarding self-esteem usually adheres to these guidelines. They should set boundaries , voice needs and opinions, and not back down from conflict. Such advice is mostly about self- management. That is, it encourages people to stay in charge of their own life-course. Such is the way β at least in societies with an individualist ethic β for people to appreciate their self-worth.
Self-esteem β essentially, affirming who you are, have been, and hope to be β depends on the quality of your connections to the world. Personal worth is less a list of accomplishments than it is a history of relationships and commitments.
