But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually achieve those things? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the details.
No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions remain anonymous. I know guys enjoy getting blowjobs, and I want to be able to satisfy my partner. But it feels like most guys want the kinds of blowjobs you see in porn. A: You are definitely not alone in feeling conflicted about blowjobs! Blowjobs in porn often look very intense, and most women are too intimidated to try to replicate them. Porn is about putting on a show. Everything is over the top and exaggerated, and way more rough than you would want to be in real life.
Take some time to get clear on what it is that turns you off about blowjobs. It sounds like you have the sense that, for you, it may be more about your confidence than an actual dislike for the act. But there could be other factors, too. You may also want to consider where your discomfort comes from. A lot of women have had experiences of being forced to give blowjobs. Other women have grown up being told that oral sex is gross or impermissible.
Getting a sense of where your distaste comes from can help you figure out how to move past those hangups. But keep in mind that you may not ever like giving blowjobs. We all have sexual preferences, just like we have preferences for things like food. You get to set your own boundaries when it comes to sex. If you decide that you want to explore blowjobs , my best piece of advice is to set your focus on discovering the aspects of the act that you genuinely enjoy.
Odds are that at least part of the process feels fun, empowering, playful, or even arousing. Maybe you find licking up and down the shaft to be a lot more enjoyable than shoving the whole thing in your mouth.
