As a married man who sometimes engages in homosexual activity, I thought I would offer my perspective. These flings have nothing to do with seeking emotional relationships and everything to do with sex. I have a satisfying marriage and am in love only with my wife, but I have a sexual itch for sex with a man. Except for rare successful open marriages, there is no way β except cheating β for men to address both the biological drive for sexual diversity whether heterosexual or homosexual and the conflicting drive for maintaining a stable environment for procreation.
In 21st-century America, our taboos require our sexual needs to be kept secret. Dear Secret: I appreciate your honesty β with me, anyway. You have one chance on this Earth to live honestly and well and to treat others the way that you would like to be treated. So which is it β are you going to be a man? Or a begonia? The emotional and moral toll is every bit as damaging. When you lie to someone you love, you diminish your own humanity.
You must tell your wife what you are doing, giving her the opportunity to be tested for STDs and to make other important choices regarding her life and future. One day during a checkup, I simply handed him my business card and told him if he ever wanted to get together, after work for coffee or a drink, to call me.
She should make the first step. Send questions via e-mail to askamy tribune. Michigan Ave. By Amy Dickinson askamy amydickinson. More in Lifestyle.
