Don't tell me the dummy desk at the Star doesn't have a sharply honed sense of sequitur. And to complete our thesis, back on Page 2, above the Axl Rose update and to the immediate left of the "Bottom boobs" blurb comes another news brief informing us that Pascua Yaqui Indian students in Tucson Unified School District will be required to wear uniforms to school next year.
What does it all mean? Glad you asked. I could say simply that it means the behavioral record of humankind has hit a scratch somewhere in the chorus where it sings of Cotton Mather and Elmer Gantry and Jimmy Swaggart, and keeps skipping back to the same sad refrain about how if you don't do like a bunch of pious hypocrites tell you to, you're gonna burn in hell when you die, and freeze your ass in jail in the meantime.
I could say that, but they don't pay me to be brief, they pay me to fill this newshole, so let me elaborate: The "Bottom boobs" story is about a bill before the Arizona legislature which would clarify some very important specifics concerning how women in our state must dress before they can go out in public.
Specifically the measure, written by Mesa Republican Sen. Rusty Bowers, requires that women appearing in public in a professional role must cover all portions of their breasts below the mid-line, including the nipple, which, hitherto, has been the only topographical feature of said prominence legally deemed terra incognita.
Basically Bowers is trying to get at the titty dancers, forcing them to buy a license to show off their southern hemispheres, but as pointed out by a senate colleague, the effect of the law would be to allow amateur ladies at respectable public functions to do what professional women inside adults-only businesses may not.
