For those of us who are autistic, it can seem even more complicated and overwhelming. Here are just a few reasons why dating can be more difficult for autistic people as well as some advice for autistic people and people who date us :.
Photographer: Eleanor Rose at Bonnier. There is a tonne of dating advice out there , from people we know in real life and coaches, educators and writers who make a living telling people how to date. You might find some of this information useful, but a lot of it can be unhelpful, especially if you take it literally. There are a lot of unspoken rules. For example, how quickly you reply to a message or the date location you choose might have more meaning to an allistic person than it does to you.
Plenty of allistic and neurotypical people find dating confusing and unclear, and some people might find direct communication and honesty pretty refreshing. I hate this concept because it implies that you owe someone something because they read your behaviour in a specific way. Consent is key. Choosing a certain date location, or messaging late at night is not giving consent to have sex or to send nudes.
Allistic flirting is generally subtle and indirect. Since autistic people can find it difficult to pick up on unclear social cues, this can be confusing. For example, we might not see the same hidden meaning behind prolonged eye contact, brushing arms, asking someone questions or laughing at jokes.
I LOVE autistic flirting. I even wrote a whole blog post about it! I think autistic flirting is amazing and should be celebrated. I think being clear and direct is often the easiest route when it comes to confusing communication. It can help to make a joke about being hopeless with flirting, or ask a friend whether they think someone is flirting with you. It can feel nerve-racking but try making the first move!
