Posted March 9, Reviewed by Lybi Ma. Olivia was a client of mine, brought by her parents for therapy because of declining grades, withdrawal from the family, and a bad attitude around the house. But in a classic case of parent-child mismatch, the parenting style was to press and provoke, probe and pry, which only exacerbated the tension in the relationship between them and their daughter.
The jokes were demeaning or dismissive and always sarcastic. This father knew of no other way to make his points, and his children resented it greatly. The two have never learned how to just talk with each other without an agenda or the need to impress a point upon the other. They try to save their kids from the heartache or turmoil they see coming down the pike.
Some things are best learned in vivo, however. Even if you could save your kids a little heartache along the way, good luck getting them to listen to you. They need them for their presence, undivided attention, and affection. In families challenged by conflicts similar to the one between Olivia and her father, respect shows up when parents choose to give their children what they need over what they feel like giving them.
Janet Sasson Edgette, Psy. Being overly polite might seem kind, but it often leads to problems anyway, in relationships, with friends, and at work. Janet Sasson Edgette Psy. Modern Teen Therapy. Key points Parents lose opportunities to influence their kids when they try too hard to make a point.
When parents regularly use encounters with their kids to make a point, they squander their fleeting attention. About the Author. More from Janet Sasson Edgette Psy. More from Psychology Today. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Mental Health. Passive Aggression Personality Shyness.
