I once fell in love with a man who told me way too late in the game that he was not and never would be the monogamous type. I, on the other hand, was most definitely said type. But love makes us do crazy things, and run I did not. Instead, I asked him so many questions and he gave me all the answers. I am not sure if my judgment was clouded by love or if I was attracted to this gypsy-soul free spirit of a man who found a way to make nonmonogamy sound romantic, loving and β dare I say β selfless, but I thoroughly considered entering an open, no-questions-asked, nonmonogamous relationship with him.
In the end, I made the decision to stick to my monogamous roots and said goodbye to my polyamorous beau, but my head was left spinning with curiosity: Are people really happy in open relationships? If so, how do you know if it is right for you and what can a couple do to set themselves up for success in this type of relationship?
I reached out to Leah Carey, a sex and intimacy coach and host of the podcast Good Girls Talk about Sex , to get some answers and was surprised when she said that yes, this arrangement can and does indeed work for some. Unfortunately, too many people embark on an open relationship without doing the work in advance to make it successful. Here are a few things to consider before making the commitment to being noncommittal. Weigh the pros and cons There are many potential benefits to an open relationship.
I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. Partners trust each other more than I could ever imagine trusting a man to be with others, yet still respect, love and come home to them. Carey points out, too, that when done with honesty and integrity, the benefits are plentiful. It can allow people with needs for different types of interaction to get those needs fulfilled. When done hastily and for the wrong reasons, jealousy, anger, hurt and toxicity are sure to take over and the relationship could be doomed.
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Others may consider opening their relationship when things feel stale or tensions are high β simply to bring back the excitement and butterflies of the early stages. Just like with monogamous relationships, no two nonmonogamous relationships are the same. Different couples have different boundaries, guidelines and expectations, so leave no stone unturned. How often will you date outside of the primary relationship?
